I don't like to be unknowingly grammatically incorrect. You should already know this (and my weird, technically incorrect quirks) because I like to blog about this frequently. I'd say it's pretty much a fact that I'm funnier on the internet than in real life, because when I send you an email or leave a comment on your wall I can spell check, edit, and Google search to make sure I'm not making an embarrassing mistake. BUT, I wasn't an English major, so I haven't learned and retained what is wrong and right, so when you take me away from a computer, well, shit. I don't speak out as much as I would like to because I don't want to make grammatical errors or mispronounce words in front of people. So imagine my HORROR when I was informed that I was mispronouncing a word in a freaking PLAY, in front of lots of people!

VISCOUNT is not a word we use very often. So I would imagine most of you would pronounce it such as I did: Viss(rhymes with "piss")-count(as in Dracula). Nope, it's pronounced VY(like die)-count. CRAP.

About the only way I can save face is by rationalizing that because the story is about a bunch of fakers who pretend to be European royalty, they were just stupid lower class who didn't know how to pronounce the titles (like saying you were the Duck or Earl). But that's kind of a lame excuse, and my character (who is the only smart one) is the one who makes the introduction.

Ah well, the person who caught it was my mom who WAS an English major and who knows shit about ancient European royalty stuff, so maybe no one else noticed. Painful for me, though...painful.

The story was mildly funny...

MIDDLETOWN, Pa. — A computerized spell-checker run amok christened several Pennsylvania high school students with new - and in some cases unflattering - last names.

Middletown Area High School's yearbook listed Max Zupanovic as "Max Supernova," Kathy Carbaugh as "Kathy Airbag" and Alessandra Ippolito as "Alexandria Impolite," just to name a few.

But it was this reader comment that seriously had me laughing out loud:
"This wasn't an accident. This was God telling Max Zupanovic he needs to change his name to the most awesome name in the universe!"

I agree!
Signed, Rhino Flintlocks

I hate text messaging. I HATE TEXT MESSAGING. I suspect it's because I am old (found out I'm a very young Generation Xer, NOT a very old Generation Yer/Millennial/whatever the hell they are calling kids today), and old people tend to be inept at adapting to new technology. Whatever it is, I am enraged by texting!

When I first got a cell phone, I had just graduated from college. It was awesome because it had caller id and call waiting, and I could make free long distance calls. Texting was something only the really tech savvy people were in to. I never used it to text, so why would I start? I am set in my ways, and see no need to change. Hell, I still use polyphonic ring tones!

The main reason I hate texting is because I'm charged 10 cents (think they bumped it to 15 or 20) for every message I send or receive. So right off the bat, I'm annoyed that someone sent me a message, when they could just call me for free. And you can just get straight to the point when actually talking to someone instead of this God awful dialog: "hey what r u doin?" "not much what r u doin?" back and forth back and forth. UGH. I'm sure you're thinking "well, why not get unlimited texting?" Well, why pay an extra $5 a month when you can CALL ME FOR FREE. I don't go anywhere near my allotted minutes, and it's free on nights and weekends!

I was really turned off to text messages when they started to become sketchy. Once I missed out on something I really wanted to do because the text didn't come through until hours after it was sent. This has happened more than once. How do you know if someone actually gets your message?

Also, I spell out every freaking word letter by letter...you know, pressing a button one, two, three (or even four!) times to get one freaking letter. Takes forever. My friend tried to get me to use some feature where you start pressing buttons and words pop up, but it was the most random shit ever. Not the words I wanted to use!

Along with the annoyance of "typing" this shit out, is "text speak". This has irritated the shit out of me since the ol' chat room days. I never realized how much I hated this bastardization of language until I saw those "IDK my BFF Jill" phone ads. Srsly ppl have turned n 2 the biggest bunch of retards by using this shit r u listening 2 what im sayin?

I get it, we are really into avoiding human interaction, I know. I'm on facebook. I send emails to people more often than calling them. But at least I can clearly articulate my thoughts. If you MUST communicate with me and don't want to call me on the phone, by all means, send an email or leave a comment on my wall. It's all good.

Finally, what pushed me over the edge is the amount of reckless and rage inducing things I see on a regular basis. People texting while driving a car! A distracted cell phone talker is scary enough, but at least their eyes are on the road. And I swear to god, one day I am going to lose my shit if I see someone texting throughout a play or movie. The tap tap tap and blue light from the cell phone makes me want to grab it and chuck it down the aisle, I am not even joking. Fucking leave if you are unable to sit through something for 2 hours without carrying on a conversation.

I know I am the minority, all the youngins are alllll about texting. It's annoying as shit to get these stupid texts, then have to tell people to call me because "I don't text". Facebook is littered with groups full of people who don't like me: I FUCKIN HATE WHEN PPL DONT TEXT YOU BACK!!!, I Hate When People Call Me After I Text Them. But surprisingly, I've got people in my court: I HATE TEXT MESSAGING!!!!!, I hate when people send you stupid text messages you dont care about. At least we can all live harmoniously, in a world where we all hate forwarded texts.

OK, I'll concede...every once in awhile there is a reason to text - if you're at a bar and trying to meet up, or if you're somewhere where it might be rude to jab on the phone, say a rehearsal or when trying to report hate crimes on the subway.

But seriously, don't be a douche. Texting is LAME. Save me a dime and CALL ME!

Remember when I freaked out out the possibility of not working on a play for awhile? Well, I got a part. A pretty important part in To Kill a Mockingbird. So while that is AWESOME, the real point is that I freak out, often times over nothing. I notoriously work myself up over "what ifs" just...because. I guess it's ok when it comes to anticipating anything that could happen and having a course of action all planned out...but it's also very stressful to be worrying for no reason. My brain is constantly in motion, often over analyzing anything and everything. I guess that's just how I am. I can try to tell myself to follow a "don't worry, be happy" attitude, but I know myself too well. I am an obsesser! I OBSESS. I fixate on things, especially insignificant, "who cares?" things. Hmm, I have been doing a pretty ok job of trying to not dwell on negative things. But that could also be because everything is pretty smooth sailing at the moment. Still, that means that maybe one day I can take a carefree attitude towards the world. I think I need to be a stoner...that'll mellow me out. Or maybe make me PARANOID. What if I was arrested for procession? What would I do if I went to prison? What if I caught athlete's foot in the communal showers? What if it spread to my crotch?? How would I find someone who wants to date a convict with athlete's crotch???What if the WORLD ENDS?WHAT WILL I DO?!?!!??!

I'm leaning towards YES.

I feel that red patent leather high heels are an absolute necessity for today's cougar.